Thursday, May 21, 2015

Another step forward

In the midst of inner struggle, inevitably, comes a breakthrough. I never know where that line will be, that line that will take from me slogging through to stepping lightly. And of course it's complicated when I'm working on multiple things, as I am now. But I realized recently that one thing has become clear.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a teacher. I used to pretend teach with my stuffed animals and sometimes relatives; when an older cousin wanted to be teacher and I had to yield, it was a tough swallow.

In my early twenties, I went to Japan and worked as assistant English teacher. I always assumed that if I taught, it would be English; I'm an English major, someone who loves reading and writing.

It turns out, though, that what I'm supposed to teach is much different.

For several years, I've wanted to share my knowledge of healing. I haven't been sure what that would look like, but over the past year, it's become crystal clear: I'm going to share "Energy Awareness as a Life Skill."

Energy work, chakras and auras can sound abstract, but I want to bring them into the every day. What does your energy system look like? How does it affect you every day? How can you take care of your energy system by yourself, at home?

Friends who attended my fall presentation at St. Anne's in-the-Fields will recognize nuggets. This is an expanded version, and I'm so excited to share it. The first presentation will be a Monday evening this summer and will take place in Flint Hall at St. Anne's in Lincoln, Massachusetts. Cost will be $25 in advance or $30 at the door.

Interested in learning more? Please email me at sprucecovehealing@gmail.com. I'd love to have you join me in this exciting next step!

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Quick to criticize

One day last week, as I was pulling into the parking lot at the church where I work, I saw the rector walking in. "Kate walks to work," I immediately thought. "Why don't you?"

Um, because Kate literally lives next door to the church, while I live 15.3 miles away.

Ridiculous, right?

Of course. And yet it interested me because it showed just how willing I am to judge and criticize myself.

My depression has been up this spring, which is unusual timing, but as usual, this episode is giving me lots of good stuff to think about and work on. It means thinking about where I've been, where I am and where I want to be. It means being gentle with myself whenever possible (rather than criticizing for the ridiculous or the legitimate) and spending time processing.

"Evolution is a slow process," one of my favorite Agatha Christie characters says.

 Change is hard. We all know that, right? I can feel remarkably comfortable in the discomfort of something that no longer works, because what's familiar is comfortable.

Change is scary. Exchanging what I know for something I don't know? Yikes.

Change is necessary. To stay exactly the same is stagnation — and death.

I'm blessed (and cursed) to have a personality that simultaneously longs for change and evolution and fears it. It's a messy combination.

But it's mine, and so I trudge on. Sometimes it really does feel like trudging — slogging through mud or high water, messy and tough. Sometimes it feels easier. Occasionally I skip ahead with joy. I'm in the trudging phase right now, and that's okay.

"Evolution is a slow process," but the process moves forward nonetheless.